Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
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You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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