I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
