If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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