If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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