i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
