Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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