It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
