i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
