dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
