Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
