I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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