how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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