I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We have so much sex to catch up on
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
