i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
