Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
