ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
