You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
