THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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