Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
