At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I need a beard to bite.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
