Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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