Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
