when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
