I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
