I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
