pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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