you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
