How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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