I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
