I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
