I just pynch a tree in the face
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
