This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
