i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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