No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
