Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
