"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
