just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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