What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
