508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
