I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
