When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
