Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
