my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
