And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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