I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
