So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
