you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
