how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
