overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
