I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
